Brad sacrificed his own life saving that of the idiot teenage son of Sharon, the love of his life. Sharon had only moments before kicked Brad to the snowy curb, sending him away from her warm and cozy cabin in the woods into a blizzard of unprecedented proportions in Wisconsin, unaware that her unsupervised, idiot teenage son (did I say that already?) was ice skating on a lake just down the road, having been punked by the kids at high school into believing the lake was the site of a "cool kids" party, nasty blizzard notwithstanding. So brave Brad, pool boy cum ex-Navy Seal, dove into action. Literally.
The idiot teenager had fallen through thin ice but is fine, having been pulled out of the frigid water by Brad who, while wearing his signature black leather jacket and a new bright red scarf (seen in the photo below), heard the idiot teen's cries for help from the roadside where Brad's new car had inexplicably died too. (Ah, the irony.)
Proving no good deed goes unpunished in WI, here is the sad result of Brad's bravery: an ignominious and gruesome death as an underwater frozen popcicle:
Oh Bradley, if only you had had the foresight to take off your shirt one last time for us.
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